Negative Thoughts Flow Through

Over and over again, I have to deal with the same issue. There have been times that it just gets me down. It especially pops up around the holidays. And, it deals with family, which is a horrible thing to have to deal with. The main issues are communication and disrespect. I like it when people can actually talk about problems. I don't like when people play games to benefit themselves while hurting others. I confess, I did something years ago, where I called out a lie that was being perpetrated on a lot of us. The liar (for lack of a better term), being a divisive type, did not like this at all. My questioning what was said was the start of a lot of pain for myself. I was no longer looked at the same way. I was considered an outsider since I would not hide the truth. 

For years this bugged me. It added to my depression (which I was already dealing with). I accepted the blame and guilt they laid upon me. I was already large, but I blew up to a size 24 because I ate my feelings. I finally got tired of my large self. I asked my doctor for help. He sent me to Behavioral Health. It took a couple of years of therapy to realize it wasn't me. That did not change how they behaved, just that I knew it wasn't me. I was still taking on the guilt, however.


It has taken a couple more years of therapy to no longer take on the guilt (but it still rears its ugly head every once in a while). If they want/need to be this way, that is on them. It is no longer on me. During this second journey, I also found meditation and writing to be helpful. I learned more about myself. I was taking on the guilt because that was easiest for me and I wanted to help them. My taking on their problem, however, does not help anyone. My meditation practice has helped me to open my mind more. It has helped me to flow the negative through my brain and out. My writing helps me figure out my thoughts. Any negative thoughts that come in relating to this problem are sent away with a swift "not now."


Keep in mind I would love to have open discussions. I know I am strong enough to not take digs personally, that belongs to them. Unfortunately,I am finding open discussion is not what is wanted on the other side. I find it sad, but their normal. I certainly will not be pushing things right now. And, with the holiday season fast approaching, I can imagine there will be many negative thoughts that will flow through - I am not good enough, I am a bad mom, I have done this or that. They may scoot in, but I will scoot them right on out with my "not now."

Pizza for Dinner!

Tonight was another cook with Gluten-Free Girl and the Chef. We made pizza with the recipe for crackers as the crust. It was fabulous!!

We have not had a thin crust pizza since having to go gluten-free (among other things) almost 3 years ago. The dough came together very well. It was actually a ball!!! You won't understand that if you aren't gluten free. Anyway, I was able to ROLL it out onto my preheated stones. I baked them a little longer than it said since I had toppings on them (pepperoni and cheese for the boys, olive oil, garlic, kalamata olives and Daiya for the girls. I also had tomato slices.). They baked up really well. So well, I actually want to make crackers from the recipe!!

They smelled so good we cut them without letting them cool and before I could get pics of the full pizzas. Here are remnants of the pizzas:

This is the one the daughter and I shared. Yes, I hogged all the olives!!

This is the boys. The hubby stole some olives.

These were really good pizzas. I got thumbs up all around!

Divisive Moments Will Not Unite US.

This morning I saw a post on Facebook about the Pledge of Allegiance not being said at a debate between Joe Walsh and Melissa Bean. You can watch the videos that are available on this page with some crap writing commentary (I will explain myself in a moment). Also, notice the comments below the videos.


This angers me, especially during an election year. The blog, the person/people doing the taping and the comments below the videos are divisive. It happens with both "conservatives" and "liberals." What we should be riled about, though, is that our country is going down the tubes because each "side" thinks the other is "against" whatever, like free speech for this particular incident. We are no longer the "United" States of America, we are divided. It is not because one group has created all of these problems, either. The mess we are in is a cumulation of administrations because stupidity and popularity gets voted into office. Then those very same popular stupids appoint other stupids through another popularity vote. There have been few cabinet members that actually have the experience and smarts to do their job correctly. Unfortunately, they get booted out with each succeeding administration. 


Lose the us vs. them mentality. Last I looked, patriotism does not make the laws, repeal the laws or settle on the "budget" (which is laughable and NOT caused by one administration but by the cumulative effects of pork barrel spending, inefficient investments, etc.). Cumulative effects. While being patriotic is nice, we have larger issues to deal with. 


I am neither a declared Republican nor a declared Democrat. I am considered Independent by the voting board since they don't allow "nothing." Educate yourself on the candidates (beyond a stupid, taped move such as this). What are the candidates saying and what is their record (does it match what they say?). One group is not better than the other and does not know better than the other. It is when the groups can come together in the middle that things can finally happen.


I wish we, as a people, could see this. Remaining divisive means our country continues drowning. Stop nitpicking at things, such as this. Most places that host these do not allow video-taping and it was the moderator that stated the Pledge of Allegiance was not to be said (again, part of the forum). Neither candidate had a hand in that.Therefore, nether the Republican member, nor the Democrat member asked that the Pledge not be said. Stop the pettiness. Stop the blaming. Be a part of the solution.